Two fangirls and Hebi
by Bri Nara
Summary: Suka and Bri go annoy Sasuke's team. XP Warning: Spoilers
1. Another Spy mission

**Bri Nara Production**

_Well, we did the Leaf ninja, and Akatsuki. Now it's time for... HEBI! Warning, may be some spoilers. And a note to Sasuke: Brace yourself. You know that Suka and I don't tolerate you anymore. -_-"_

"You wanted to see us, Tsunade?"

There were two girls standing before the Hokage's desk. One of them had long dark chocolate brown hair tied back into a ponytail and big brown eyes. She had on a green jacket, and her headband was tied around her left leg. This particular girl had be acting as the "joy of Tsunade's day" for the past three years.

The other girl was hardly seen in the village ever since she volunteered to be ambassador. The nineteen year old had long black hair, and pale eyes. (All thanks to her Hyuga contact lens!) She was wearing black and white Hyuga robes, and her headband was around her neck. Suka has always been the "hyperactive girl of the Leaf village" from the moment she arrived.

"Yes, I received word that Sasuke has killed Orochimaru."

Suka and Bri took a quick glance at each other. "So it finally happened..." Bri said gloomily. "Snakey choked..."

Suka bumped Bri on the head. "Give him _some _respect!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Lord Snakeymaru finally died."

"Yes, and I heard that Sasuke is gathering a team-" Tsunade started, but Bri cut her off.

"Oh no. I know where this is going. You want us to stalk Duck-Butt Uchiha," said the brown-haired girl.

"Lady Tsunade, you can force us to do a lot of things," Suka said.

"Make us spy on Akatsuki."

"Steal Izumo and Kotetsu's jobs."

"Even force Suka to act her age."

_"Hey!"_

"But you cannot get us to spy on Sasuke Uchiha."

"But you two have a talent of sticking yourselves in impossibly stupid situations. And besides, only you two know where Sasuke is."

Bri muttered under her breath, "Curse our knowledge of the manga..."

"Wait... if we spy on Sasuke..." Suka thought out loud. "Then we also get to be with..."

"Suigetsu!!!" Bri finished.

"Who?" Tsunade asked.

"Never mind. We're doing this, Tsunade! We are _so _doing this!!!"

**...**

Sasuke was walking on his way to one of the hideouts when he noticed a familiar face grinning at him.

"Bri Nara..."

"Long time no see... Sasuke."

Sasuke faintly remembered Bri being much more cheerful than she was now. And he remembered that she didn't have such an icy look in her eye.

"Why are you here?" he asked.

"Suka and I heard about how you killed Orochimaru. We want to be part of your Itachi hunting team."

"I already picked the members."

"Come on, what's two more people going to do?"

"..."

"I thought so. Let's go get Suigetsu. Suka, Sasuke."

Suka appeared and glared at Sasuke before following Bri.


	2. Recruits

Bri, Suka, and Sasuke were in an old room, that for some reason there were water tanks _everywhere_. Bri and Suka were glaring at each other, remembering clearly how the manga and the anime first introduces Suigetsu Hozuki.

"Ah, so you came without him... Sasuke." A voice was coming out of a huge water tank that was against the wall of the room. "That must mean you killed Orochimaru..."

"I'm getting you out of there." Sasuke drew his long katana. The glass to the water tank broke, spilling water all over the floor, and the girls slapped a hand over the others' eyes.

"_HEY!_" Bri and Suka screamed at the same time. "_I WANT TO SEE SUIGETSU!!!_"

Suka grinned. "You want to see? What happened to your 'innocent' eyes, Bri?"

"Shut up! I'm trying to keep the 'innocence' of your eyes! And I'm preventing any temptations you might have to... do the mommy and daddy thing with him!"

"I wouldn't do _that_!"

Then Sasuke found his eyes covered up as well. "_IF WE DON'T GET TO SUIGETSU IN HIS BIRTHDAY-SUIT, THEN YOU DON'T GET TO SEE EITHER, DUCK-BUTT!!!_"

A boy with white hair (and no clothes on) slowly started coming out of the water. "Who are they, Sasuke?"

"A couple of burdens."

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL US?!"

"BURDENS?! YOU'RE ONE TO TALK!"

"Uh..."

The two girls started blushing as they started scooting away. "Uh... Sorry, Suigetsu-kun."

"Yeah, uh, we'll just leave so you can put on some clothes."

"Then we can help you get Zabuza's sword."

"Then get the b____, Karin."

"Come on, Sasuke."

**...**

"WHAT?! And why should I go with you?!"

Sasuke, Suigetsu, Bri and Suka were sitting on a couch in a tiny room. Listening to a red-head's yelling.

"Come on, Karin," Bri said. "You must be _pretty _special for Sasuke to pick you on his team. And you have no excuse to curse this jail with your presence anymore."

"What did you-?!"

"Suigetsu, go release the prisoners." Sasuke tossed a key at Suigetsu, who left the room.

"You can't just start giving orders around!"

"Oh yes he can," Bri calmly.

"Because you like him," Suka said.

"WHAT?!" Karin was blushing and gripping the frame of her glasses.

"You heard me. The second we leave, you're gonna start doing this." Suka pantomimed taking off her invisible glasses and lended onto Bri. Suka started blushing. "Sa-su-_ke_!"

Bri had a stoic look on her face. And sat up in a very Sasuke-ish way.

"You brat!"

"Come on, _Kari_-chan," Suka said mockingly. "You _know _you want to be with Sasuke."

"Fine, I'm only travelling with the team. Their heading in the same direction that I have business in."

"_Riiiight," _Bri and Suka said.


	3. Bri and Juugo

"T-This place is _creepy_."

"Oh suck it up! I told you the Northern Hideout would be bad."

"No, I meant the back of your head. There's a new invention, it's called a _comb _have you used it?"

They in were in the Northern Hideout, looking for Juugo. And they had been walking in the same corridor for an hour. Of course Bri, Suka, and Suigetsu were annoyed.

"Which way is it, Karin?"

Karin pointed at the hallway in front of them. "He's up ahead."

When Suigetsu, Bri and Suka started walking in that direction, Karin dragged Sasuke into another hallway.

"Great, they fell for it. We don't need them on our team, right Sasuke?" Karin was about to take off her glasses, when she noticed someone grinning at her.

"I'm sorry, what were you about to say?" Bri said sarcastically.

"You?! But how-?!"

"You _honestly _think I would fall for a cheap trick like that? Suka and I _knew _you would do that. But Suka played along with it so that she could be with Suigetsu."

"Little brat..."

"Come on, he's this way, right?"

**...**

They stood before a heavily locked metal door that seemed untouched for years. Only Bri knew what the man behind the door was muttering.

"'_A guy...no, a girl... no, a guy... definitely a guy..._'"

Karin was about to put her hand on the door handle, but Sasuke grabbed it first.

"Stay here."

_As much as I'd love to see Sasuke in trouble, I can't let him threaten Juugo and Suigetsu later. Ugh, this so annoying! _Bri thought.

"Let me go in, Sasuke." Bri pushed Sasuke aside and grabbed the door handle.

Karin smiled to herself and thought, _Maybe Juugo will kill her, that would be perfect!_

Bri opened the door a crack and heard a faint "_It's a guy... if it's a guy, I'll kill him._"

Bri walked in, and Juugo had a disappointed look on his face. He was sitting against the wall, the furthest spot from the door.

"It's a girl..."

"J-Juugo...? I-I... came to get you out..."

"No! I'm not allowed out of this cell. Where's Kimmimaro? I need Kimmimaro to be here."

"I-I hate to break it to you, but Kimmimaro died... years ago."

The man's eyes grew wide and he started shaking. "He's gone?! Leave! Go away! Leave and lock the door! I can never leave this cell again!"

Bri felt sympathy for him, but he needed to leave. So she told him the only thing to convince him to leave. "He died for the sake of Sasuke Uchiha. And Sasuke is outside the door, right now. He needs you on his team. He wants you to go."

"But...I d-don't want to hurt anyone... Kimmimaro was the only one...who could..."

Bri walked over and put a hand on his shoulder. Juugo looked up and saw a warm smile on her face.

"Relax... Juugo. '_I will be your cage._'"

Karin and Sasuke were a bit surprised to see Bri come out in one piece. And more surprised to see Juugo come out with her.

Karin was crying on the inside. She was thinking, _Why couldn't you kill her?!_

"There. He's out. Now be nice to him."

Then there were footsteps. Suka and Suigetsu managed to find them.

"Karin, you b___! I can't believe you tricked us like that! You... you... huh?" Suka noticed Juugo, and how he was standing beside Bri. "Ah, so I was right all along, cousin. You like Juugo-kun."

"No, I don't like the guy like _that._"

"Bri and Juugo sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N..." Bri hit Suka on the head.

"I said I don't like him like _that_, dangit."


	4. Good morning

Almost everyone was asleep, except for Bri and Suka, who were having a whispered argument by the window.

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"We can't!"

"Come on? Why not? I think it's a good plan."

"We _can't _mess up the storyline!"

"It's just a detail. And be honest, Bri. At home you put his face on the computer screen to set up his funeral. You _want _to do this, right?"

"I _want _to, but we can't. He might discover that we're really Leaf ninja."

"How?" Bri pointed at the Leaf headband around Suka's neck. "Ok, you got me there. But you kept whining for days '_He was so young! He was such a good artist! I hate that Uchiha!_'"

"You said so yourself '_If it happens in the manga, it's law._'"

"But... Bri... It's Deidara... Deidara is one of the only villains you like."

"..."

"..."

"...We have to go to sleep."

**...**

"Well, Sasuke's getting up late today. It's already noon."

Bri, Karin, Suigetsu, and Juugo were kneeling around the breakfast table eating the sushi Karin made. (No, it's not poisoned. I checked.) Suka and Sasuke were still asleep.

"Karin, are you going to give Sasuke a big good morning kiss?" Bri puckered up her lips and kissed the air.

"So you know too, Bri?" Suigetsu asked. "Karin likes Sa-"

Karin slapped Suigetsu across the face. Suigetsu's face was dripping on the table. Juugo sighed.

"SHUT UP!"

"Calm down, Karin. You might wake your precious Sasuke-"

_SMACK! _Bri's face was suddenly facing the other way, and there was a red mark on her cheek. She looked up at Karin with a blank look of shock on her face. Bri's expression didn't change, but a single tear fell to the floor.

"Geez, Karin... that was kinda harsh..." Suigetsu said when he saw the mark on Bri's cheek.

"Brat..."

Suddenly the whole room was shaking as if there was an earthquake. The sliding door to the girls' room smashed open and the breakfast table got flipped.

"_What _did you do... to my... little cousin... you b___?" Suka was glaring down at Karin with a death-glare that said _There's no way you gonna live. _

_Her eyes! They feel like they're on fire! _Karin thought as she tried to hide under the upturned table.

"You think you can smack my little cousin around like you're invincible? I DON'T _THINK _SO!!!"

She pulled out Sasuke's katana and started chasing Karin with it. Bri had a hand on her cheek and was looking at Suka chase Karin. Suigetsu sipped his tea and sighed.

"Don't you just _love _mornings?"

Juugo was shaking, and there were red marks started covering his body. "Must... kill..."

Suigetsu dropped the tea. "Oh man! Juugo's going wild again!"

Bri immediately made a handsign. "Shadow Dome Prison Jutsu!" Her shadow stretched out and put Juugo in a black bubble. "Calm down, Juugo."

The red marks faded, as well as the bubble. Then the sliding doors to the boys' room opened.

"Can't you last one day without making so much noise?" the Uchiha asked.

Suigetsu glanced at Sasuke and started laughing. "Did you look in the mirror this morning, Sasuke?"

Someone drew, in black marker, glasses and a curly-Q mustache on Sasuke's face. (Seriously, take any random picture of Sasuke from Shippuden and do it; it looks good on him!)

"Yes." Breif glance at Bri. "We're leaving after we clean up the mess. And after I get my sword back." Breif glance at Suka.


	5. Lakeside Retreat

"Do you _ever _stop working, Sasuke?" Bri asked.

So far, Team Hebi had done fifty straight recon missions, without a single break.

"I mean come on, Duck-butt, I remember you weren't always this uptight," Suka said.

"There was a time when he wasn't so serious?" Suigetsu asked.

"I like to call it-"

"'The Time When Sasuke Actually Acted His Age.'"

"In other words-"

"It was before his brother went emo on us and left."

"For the last time, Bri... ITACHI-KUN IS NOT EMO!"

Bri's expression became blank and she poked Suka on the forehead. "Foolish little cousin... You cannot prove me wrong. Do you know why? You lack emo-ness."

Suka stood up, and put her fist up. "I _will _become as emo as you! And I _will _avenge all the emo Itachi-fans you're offending right now!"

Then Bri and Suka couldn't move, and Suigetsu couldn't speak. Two great white snakes were wrapped around Bri and Suka, and the snakes were coming from Sasuke's sleeves.

"Enough. Or I'll kill you."

Bri and Suka were trembling (Come on! You would too!). Suigetsu let out a faint "Whoa. Now _that's _scary."

"S-Sasuke..." Bri stuttered. "P-Please... don't kill us... You wouldn't want to be a murderer like Itachi, would you?"

Then the snakes fell away, and Suka ran into Suigetsu's arms.

"S-Sui-kun... He tried to hurt me..."

Bri just fell to her knees, and stared at the ground. She started remembering what Sasuke and his brother could and started mumbling "Never insult an Uchiha... Never insult an Uchiha... Bri, if you know what's good for you, never insult an Uchiha..."

"Ha! That's what you get for making fun of Sasuke!" Karin shouted out. Then she froze as a black shadow caught her.

Then Bri punched herself in the nose. "Why are you hitting yourself?" Bri pushed her invisible glasses much too far up the bridge of her nose.

"OW! Let me go!!!"

"No."

"Bri, let her go," Juugo said.

Bri looked up at Juugo and let Karin go. "What do you say, Juugo? Shouldn't we go somewhere to relax?"

Juugo looked uncertain and said, "Maybe we should..."

"Suigetsu?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Suka-sempai?"

"Yes."

"That's four against two, we're going."

Karin grabbed the frame of her glasses and asked "WHO DIED AND MADE YOU LEADER?!"

**...**

"Why did she pick a stupid lake?!"

They were at a lake with the sun shining. Juugo was by the edge of the water with a couple of birds on his shoulders. Suigetsu and Bri were having a race to see who could swim faster. And Suka was getting a tan.

Sasuke and Karin were "supervising" under a tree. "Oh, Sasuke, isn't this so _nice_?" Her hand reached for the glasses. "Just you and me..." The glasses came off. "Sitting under this tree together..." She started blushing and started leaning towards Sasuke. "Nothing in the world to ruin this moment-"

_SPLASH!!! _Suigetsu started laughing like crazy. Suka giggled. Bri had a big wide grin as she looked at her handiwork.

Karin and Sasuke were soaking wet, and "Karin's first kiss" ended up being a bit of green lake-stuff that was on Sasuke's cheek.

"OH MY FREAKING GOD! AM I EVIL OR WHAT?!"

Karin pushed her glasses back onto her soaking wet nose. "THAT'S IT! SOMEONE HERE IS GOING TO _DROWN _TODAY!!!"

Karin grabbed Bri by the arms and the back of her neck and dunked Bri's head in. (This is my punishment for so much Karin bashing. I'm only supposed to get Hidan or Temari this mad.) Juugo looked slightly worried, but Suigetsu was still laughing.

"Come on, Karin. I was just a bit of fun." He earned himself a fierce kick in the face by one of Karin's feet.

Bri made a hand-sign behind her back, and Bri was replaced with a black-haired girl.

"Suka?! Bri, you replaced yourself with _Suka_?!"

"I was panicking! And I can't survive underwater like you can!"

Juugo walked over, broke Karin's grip on Suka, and put her on the grass.

"She needs CPR!"

"I guess I have to do it." Suigetsu bent down next to Suka. "Wait a sec, do I really have to do it?"

"I think."

"Can't Juugo do it?"

"Nope."

"Ugh... Sasuke?"

"Uh-uh."

"...Karin?"

Then Suka suddenly sprang to life and grabbed Suigetsu by the shoulders. "For the love of Jahin-sama! Just kiss me, you fool!"

"What the he-?!" Then Suka pulled Suigetsu face into hers.

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Bri dropped to her knees. "WHHHHHHYYYYYYYY?!"

Suka broke away from the dazed waterboy's lips from a second. "Because you do a crappy substitution."

"SHUT UP! THAT'S IT! NO MORE VACATION! WE ARE _LEAVING_!"

"Awww, why?" said a voice behind Bri.

"Because every Suigetsu fangirls' dream got ruined!"

"But that was a water clone."

"Huh?"

The Suigetsu in Suka's arms melted. "NOOO!!! But I have to admit, that clone was a good kisser."

**Suka:HA! I got to make out with Suigetsu! IN YOUR FACE, BRI___! =3  
**

**You do know that was a clone, right? -.-**

**Suka: WHAT?! O_o**

**HA! NOW WHO'S LAUGHING?!**

**Suka: You are not a good girl. -_- Bri Nara bad girl. Bri Nara a very very bad girl.  
**

**It's _my _fanfic! I can torture you however I want! ^^ And Bri Nara _is _a good girl!**

**Suka and Bri: Review!!! X3  
**


	6. Trying to rewrite

_A few alterations have been made to this chapter to satisfy Suka, the fangirls, and the half of me that is a Deidara-fangirl._

Team Hebi was on a cliff, that overlooked a small town below. They were going to look for Itachi down there. Bri and Suka exchanged glances.

_Last chance, _Suka mouthed.

Sasuke started giving out orders on who should check where, but Bri and Suka were barely listening. They were wondering what they should in the next 15 minutes.

"Go." Everyone except Sasuke and Karin left.

Then Karin took off her glasses and threw herself onto Sasuke. "Sa-su-_ke_!" Sasuke had the ever-present blank look on his face. "Why don't you and I search together?"

Bri was pretending to gag behind the bush she was hiding in. _Dang, that was just wrong!_ Bri thought to herself. _Thank god that Sasuke won't let her go with him._

**...**

Much later, when Sasuke was just outside a forest near the town, Bri saw something. Two men, one with bright yellow hair and one with on orange mask on his face. Bri eyes widened as she realized the fight was about to start.

Right when she was sure that Sasuke was out of earshot, she rushed over and hugged the blonde bomber with a long "DEIIIIIDARA-SEMPAI!!!"

Deidara's eye had shock written all over it. He looked down at the girl hugging his waist. "B-Bri, un?!"

Tobi started jumping up and down. "Ohh! Bri-chan!" He started pointing at his Akatsuki cloak as he jumped. "Look! Look! I'm in Akatsuki now, Bri-chan!"

"What are you doing here, un?" Deidara asked as he gently removed Bri's arms from his waist.

"DON'T GO!" Bri flung her arms around his chest. "YOU CAN'T GO FIGHT SASUKE, SEMPAI!"

Tobi cocked his head to the side. "Does Bri-chan know something Deidara-sempai and Tobi doesn't know?"

"Sasuke will find out your art's only weakness! And then he'll look at you with those dreaded Uchiha eyes! Then you'll blow yourself up for the sake of your art! But he'll live! And Tobi will turn all emo and evil after you die!"

Deidara looked at Tobi, thinking, _There is no way, un. _

Tobi crossed his arms. "Tobi always knew that Sempai would die in an explosion."

"Please, Deidara! I know you wanted to kill Orochimaru (even if I don't know why), but you could kill Sasuke later! You're only 19, you don't deserve to die for the likes of _him_!" (And all the people who had no idea how old Deidara was goes like "WHAT?! O_O")

"I think you should listen to her, Sempai."

"My art is flawless, un," he said as he once again removed Bri. "There's no way I could lose, un."

"Please, Deidara no ekaki..." (Translation: ekaki means artist)

Deidara's eye widened, but he still said, "I won't lose, un."

Bri looked at Tobi, then the stick beside him. "Tobi..."

"Oh, okay, Bri-chan!" He picked up the stick and knocked Deidara on the head with it. The artist dropped like a rock. "Listen to Bri-chan, Sempai!" He picked up Deidara and slung him over his shoulder.

"Thank you, Tobi..."

Then Tobi knelt down in front of her and looked her in the eye. A different voice then Tobi's came out of his mouth though. "I am _not _emo. I'm a good boy." Then he poked her in the forehead. "Good night, Bri-chan..."

**There. I fix this chapter, _is everyone happy now?_** -___-"

**Suka: Yes we are. ^^**


	7. What happened next

"So explain to me what happened _this _time, Bri."

Bri and Suka were in Tsunade's office, again. Bri was looking down to the floor while Suka was giving her a death-glare. Bri had a bandage wrapped around her forehead. Suka was just recovering from her third "My stupid little cousin took me from my future husband" syndrome.

"_Apparently_, my _precious _little cousin passed out beside the Leaf Village Itachi search-team_._" She glared at Bri with a look that said, _What kind of crappy Deidara fangirl are you?! How dare you let Deidara get knocked out by Tobi!  
_

"I didn't pass out on purpose. Tobi did it."

"But Tobi's a good boy!"

"Cousin, good boy has left the anime."

"Awww!" Suka pouted.

"WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP AND FOCUS FOR FIVE SECONDS?!"

"Yes, Tsunade..." they said together.

"Because of you, we lost our only spies on Sasuke!"

"Who gives a care?! We were stuck with Emo-boy and _Karin_! A person could only take _so _much!"

"Speak for yourself! We had to leave Suigetsu-kun to deal with her," Suka said coldly.

"Ah, yes. Poor Suigetsu. And I never had a chance to hug him."

"And _I _got to kiss him," said Suka smugly.

"For the last _Hidan_ time, that does _not _count as a kiss!"

"Yes it does!"

"SHUT UP!!!" the Hokage yelled. "Patrol duty, _for a month!_"

"A MONTH?!"

"_And _you two have to explain to Naruto what happened."

Bri and Suka had dead-panned stares. "Do you have to make us do _that_, Tsunade?"

"That's just mean..."

**Done. I'm done with the Sasuke and Karin bashing story.**

**Suka: (Is still mad at little cousin for not killing Karin) -_-"  
**

**What?! If I killed Karin, then I have to _think _about what write next.**

**Suka: -__-" Lazy.**

**Glompist. -__-"**

**Suka: -___-" Bri___.**

**Stalker. -___-"**

**Both: Review. ^^  
**


	8. Deidara's reaction

**A few hours after Tobi knocked out everyone...**

"Tobi, un! Get over here NOW, un!"

Deidara was chasing Tobi all around the Akatsuki base for over an hour. He was incredibly mad at Tobi for hitting him with a tree branch when he wanted to kill Sasuke. Tobi was just running around yelling out the same excuse.

"Bri-chan made me do it!"

"You idiot, un! You've been saying that since I woke up, un!"

"But Sempai-"

"No, un! Now come here, un!"

Then Leader walked into the living room where Deidara was trying to pin Tobi to the coffee table. The masked man reached out his hand. "H-Help Tobi, Leader-sama!"

"Deidara," the Leader said in a flat tone. "I heard from Tobi about what happened."

The blonde glared at his partner.

"You won't be allowed to leave the base for a while. I won't have you do anything reckless."

Deidara pulled out some clay and tried to stuff it into Tobi's mask. "This is your fault, un!"

"H-Help Tobi! Tobi was just trying to be a good boy!"


End file.
